Turning 30

Decorations my loving girlfriend put up

Turning 30 is a bigger deal than turning 20 and turning 10. Each decade comes with a tad bit of different expectations, responsibilities and, must I say, difficulties. When someone turns 10, it’s all about being in the double digits. When turning 20, it’s all about the next year of turning 21 and being able to finally legally consume alcohol because that is in itself a rite of passage into adulthood (18 not really). The rest of the twenties were muddled and clouded by the other rites of passage of perhaps graduating college (not everyone), finding a job related to your degree (or not), perhaps moving out of your childhood home and gaining financial independence (which comes with being financially responsible and filing your taxes). I think what also happens in our twenties is the fruition of our personality outside the confines family. We truly learn to be our own person as we navigate the world without the hand holding from our parents. Some do this earlier or later than others based on context, environment, and upbringing, so I don’t mean this as a blanket statement.

In my twenties, I graduated college with a professional degree, worked my first job (capable of sustaining financial independence), kickstarted my career, rented my first apartment in the big city (and learned all the things there is to learn about renting, applications, agents, brokers, viewings, credit), and experienced professional growth as well as personal growth (nurturing hobbies and interests).

My twenties also includes my first girlfriend and relationship. Being in an intimate relationship puts newly learned lessons on another level and bridges the gap between learning how to be independent back to relying on someone other than ourselves. It’s a strange realization but it’s not a regression in our growth. One of the lessons I learned is that compromise is of the utmost importance. Merriam-Webster defines compromise as “to come to agreement by mutual concession.” I think we throw around that word a lot but “mutual concession” makes it more understandable. We can’t always have it our way. This leads to the second lesson of picking our “battles,” which goes in line with “what is my priority?” Is it being right or is it keeping my significant other happy? We hear quotes from movies and TV shows all the time like “happy wife, happy life.” Sure it’s true but these few lessons are something I had to experience myself because all these realizations are deeply personal.

I am someone who likes listing things because the Checklist Manifesto by Atul Gawande hath deemed it important (ironic because I don’t read much anymore). So here is a list of hobbies that I have nurtured throughout my twenties and the lessons I’ve learned from them:

1. Electric scooters: It’s fun, it’s convenient, and it saves commuting money in the long run, but they also taught me to become a risk averse person. I will absolutely wear a full face helmet while traveling 20 mph in NYC and try not to pass a Citi-biker in the bike lane without yelling “PASSING ON YOUR RIGHT!” Somethings, like your life, is not worth the risk. Now that I write this tho, there’s so much irony…
2. Beers and home brewing: If you like something, why not make it yourself? Much easier said than done. But understanding the process of how beer is made allows me to enjoy it more and understand that maybe I should leave it to the pros. Oh, if you love wine and beer, also get a beer fridge.
3. Coffee: One of my earliest hobbies and loves. It taught me to enjoy the process, to be meticulous, to be precise, and to be slow. It is the center of my morning routine and without it, I have no structure. Am I able to taste strawberry pineapple notes yet from the Ethiopian Geisha light roast? Still no.
4. Cooking: I’ve cooked since my early twenties, especially when I moved into my NYC apartment. Not sure what really kicked off my cooking hobby but now it’s an activity that takes my mind off stressful happenings. I find cooking to be easier than home brewing.
5. Fine dining: Yes, I’ve been going to more James Beard and Michelin Star restaurants recently because of those darn Netflix shows. The more I eat these culinary masterpieces, the more I realize that if I could re-create at least 50% of how good each course is, it’s more worth it to eat at home. But it’s still really exciting to be inspired by the world’s best cooks and to enjoy the entire experience.
6. Medicine: This is my “bread winner” job but also my passion. I have a lot of ideas and thoughts regarding my professional goals and I am still seeking a way to manifest them. I am also learning that the onset of burnout is quicker around seven years (even tho I still chart review when I get home).
7. Camping/Backpacking: Not sure when I started loving the outdoors either. I could have swore that it was before Andrew took me on my first camping trip five years ago but I’ll attribute this to him anyways. Learning to get away from the busy world, pitching a tent, sitting on a camping chair next to a fire and enjoying the sights and sounds of nature is one of the best things I’ve gotten to enjoy in the last 30 years. Learning to be primitive and not rely on electronics for everything is a relief.

These are the main things.

And in-between all these points I’ve been making about my life: job, friends, family, girlfriend, hobbies, camping, God is there. I’m not sure how often I speak about God during my conversations but the things that I’ve learned about my faith and personal relationship with God is this: there are and will be a lot of ups and downs. But its not like every time I’m at a “down” and try to work my way back to God, it’s starting from scratch. No. This is the nature of our relationship with our Creator, which is OK because we’re all sinners and we all fall short. I won’t be able to be the perfect person, make people happy, follow all of God’s commands, “do what Jesus would do”, do everything the “right way.” These realizations lead to our attempt to rely on God. Another thing I learn throughout my devotions with Paul Tripp is that of vertical and horizontal concepts. I may experience joy and satisfaction when I look horizontally to my hobbies, relationships with people, nature and God’s creation but those are brief satisfactions. I should look vertically to God. These are some of the common lessons I’ve learned the last 30 years.

Now that my twenties are over I can anticipate what my thirties have in store for me (wife, children, long term home?). However, anticipation and reality may very well be different. People say that your thirties are better than your twenties. I am hopeful for that. But I also want to start off this decade trying to rely on God more and to lean on him more. All of it is unknown but I want to trust that God has the best plan for me (and if not the best from my perspective, I hope that I still trust the process). Please let me know what things you guys learned! Cheers to 30.

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DK